


let your monsters lead you home

by Ethereally



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 Route Spoilers, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Mention of Nyan Cat, Recovery, Trauma, hints of PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8055319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethereally/pseuds/Ethereally
Summary: He’s quiet, and it means he’s worried. She leans in against him as they sit on the couch.("I Will" and "I Do" can't solve problems, or unpick the scars from his past. Love doesn't fix everything-- sometimes, you need time.)





	let your monsters lead you home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hypernovaes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypernovaes/gifts).



It’s rare that silence hangs between them. Saeyoung usually fills the space with chatter, and she’s always up for some sort of retort or joke. Sometimes, when he is staring at his computer with great concentration, he hums under his breath, and even when he isn’t talking he types so loudly that she can hear him from outside their shared bedroom. Nothing about him is quiet, from his bright red hair to those ridiculous striped glasses. She is usually the one who has to keep up with his volume, catch up with his pace.

When he’s quiet, it means he’s worried. And he is wordless that night as she leans in against him on their couch, the glare of his laptop screen illuminating his features in the darkness. She laces her fingers into his and lifts her gaze so their eyes meet. He says nothing. 

She lets go of his grip, getting up from where she is sitting and planting herself on his lap. She leans in towards him, pressing her nose against his. A small smile crosses her lips. 

“What’s wrong, Saeyoung? Cat got your tongue?” 

Saeyoung shakes his head. He pulls her closely towards him, capturing her lips in a soft kiss before pulling away. “It’s nothing,” he mutters, turning away to stare at the ground—but she knows better. When even the mention of a cat won’t get him excited, she knows that there’s something very, very wrong. She cups Saeyoung’s face as she leans in close towards him, pressing another soft, languid kiss on his lips. 

“Don’t lie,” she says under her breath as she pulls away. “You can tell me anything, you know.” Saeyoung takes a deep breath, and his eyes cloud with concern behind the frames of his glasses. She knows he is used to hiding, used to shouldering all his burdens by himself, but he isn’t alone any more. He’s never been alone, not from the moment he joined the RFA at least, but now he knows that he has friends, a family, a brother to by his side. Saeyoung knows this, but sometimes it bears repeating: only time can help you unlearn the bitter lessons of your past. She’ll repeat it to him as much as he needs. “Really, really.”

Saeyoung blinks back at her in the darkness, and he lets out a soft sigh. He leans forward, tucking a strand of brown hair behind her ear. A grin tugs at his lips, and for a second, she wonders if he is going to brush it off, if he is going to instinctually put on the mask of 707 like he used to in their chat room—but it fades in seconds, and he buries his face in her shoulder, wrapping her in a tight hug. 

“I’m sorry,” he mutters. “I’ve just been thinking a lot, about how we’ve been engaged for six months, how people have been asking when we’re getting married and how I don’t know when it’s going to be, and then I start to wonder even more,”

“Saeyoung,” she begins, lifting a hand to stroke his hair. “It’s okay, don’t worry too much. We’ll take this one step at a time.”

“How am I supposed to believe this is real?” Saeyoung pipes up. “What if I wake up and I’m back in my old house underground, and you aren’t there and Saeran isn’t back and everyone only knows me as 707?”

Saeyoung pulls away, taking a deep breath. She can see that there are tears in his eyes: he doesn’t like crying around her, doesn’t like crying around anyone, but he’s been doing it more often as of late. It isn’t a bad thing, she’s always quick to reassure him. That’s what she’s here for. That’s what their friends are here for. 

Still, this isn’t a dream, and she’s going to prove it as such. She reaches over, leaning in and giving him a sharp pinch in the belly.

Saeyoung winces. “Ow!” he exclaims, grabbing his side. “That hurt. What was that for?”

She presses a kiss on his nose. “This isn’t a dream, Saeyoung. I’m here.” Saeyoung whimpers under his breath, and she gives him a peck on the cheek. “I’m here, I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.” 

Saeyoung pulls her into a tight hug, burying his head in her shoulders again. “I’m not… I’m not used to happiness lasting,” he murmurs. “Every day I wake up in the morning and I wonder, is there some catch? Is an army of Nyan Cats going to descend upon us and kill us all—“

“Saeyoung,” she says firmly, a sharp _don’t change the subject_. Still, she has to work to suppress a laugh. 

He sighs. “That’s about it. I just don’t deserve this.” 

Silence parses between them once again as she searches for the words to say. She is the first to speak once more. “Of course you deserve this. You’ve done so much for everyone. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.”

“Look what I did to Saeran, though!” he yells. Now he is shaking, barely able to choke back sobs. “What I did to Saeran, and how he almost hurt you, and not to mention the things I did at the intelligence agency.” He is crying now, wet, hot tears falling from his eyes and onto her lap. 

She squeezes him tightly, though it feels like someone has stabbed her through the chest. “You did what you thought was best,” she says. “Nobody blames you for anything.” 

They’ve had this conversation multiple times. Every time, Saeyoung says he knows better now. He says that it’ll be okay, and it is for a few weeks, sometimes months, before he’s reduced to a sobbing mess and they’re back to square one. She wishes so dearly that she could reach into his heart and unpick the scars his past has left, but the only thing that can do that is time: luckily, this is time they will have together, for the rest of their lives. 

She takes hold of his hand, toying with the silver band on his finger that matches hers. “I love you,” she says. “Everyone at the RFA is so grateful to you. Saeran forgives you,” she whispers into his ear, “He’s said so himself, over and over again. He knows you were only doing what you thought was right. I just wish you could forgive yourself.”

Saeyoung pulls away, pushing up his glasses and wiping tears from his eyes. She scrambles off his lap, rushing to the dining table to grab a box of tissues. She hands one over to him and he blows his nose, making a loud, trumpeting sound that rings through their hallways.

This time, they both laugh. He buries his face in his hands and she lets out a maniacal cackle, laughing at him, and with him, both at once. Saeyoung smiles. This time, it reaches his eyes.

“I know. You tell me all this, and it’s things I _know_. Every time we talk, I come closer to believing it myself.” The burden of guilt won’t be relieved overnight. “Thank you. You really are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know? You turned my life upside-down.”

“You sure you’re better?” she asks, and Saeyoung nods.

“For now.” 

Months later, it will be one in the morning, and they will repeat this conversation. They might have it again and again, even when they are married, maybe when they are old. She doesn’t mind. She loves him, and she’s here for him, and she’s determined to make this last. She reaches in and twists his pinky finger in hers. Not even death will part them.

Not now, not ever.

**Author's Note:**

> for my protagonist


End file.
